Right after loss, I think the heart can only handle so much.

Don’t call me and explain how you dealt with the death of your dog.

Don’t tell me how devastated you were when you lost your grandmother.

Don’t expect the normal “me”.  My normal exchange with you pre-death would have included me putting myself in your position and feeling your pain. Please don’t ask that of me now because I am barely hanging on. I selfishly don’t want to refill my cup of empathy because, I just cannot. I cannot be that friend for you right now. I will be tender, and touchy and I really need to only deal with MY pain and MY worries. You are my best friend and I want you there for me but please don’t keep pouring. I know you mean well, but right now I need for you to wipe up my spill. I need you to just “be there” for me. We don’t have to talk, we don’t have to analyze, I just want you near.

The shock of death is fresh and real, and as the title of this article states, the empathy level of someone who is normally always there for you, is depleted.

I do want you to know that this initial mess will not last long. It didn’t for me. I will return to you and be your shoulder, but just not right now. How long will I put up my barrier for your empathy? I don’t know, but when I am ready, I’ll be sure to let you know by asking you. When I ask you, feel it out and realize when it’s too much.

I will be back.